Tuesday, 28 March 2017


                                                                     It took (rugby) balls.

“Great win, wasn’t it?” he said. “Incredible really, an enormous occasion, much more than just a game of rugby,” I replied, noticing his wide smile and big blue eyes. We were both sat on the 9pm train out of Dublin’s Heuston station en route to Cork. It was the 25th of February 2007 and Ireland had just beaten England off the pitch in Croke Park in a game that had truly transcended sport.

There was a striking silence in the carriage, broken only by  intermittent rustle of  newspapers, the crinkle of tayto crisp bags, the frizzing crack of (much needed) Lucozade bottles being opened and the sharp snap of another heavenly paracetamol tablet being released from its blistery foil. It was obvious to the world and her mother that a good 99% of the punters on this train had been celebrating the night before and were now happily (albeit with great tiredness) basking in the warmth of the incredible victory.  It was also obvious that a large proportion of them were  hungover, as was I.

Opposite me was a white haired gent, an older man, in his seventies maybe. He was devouring (with some satisfaction I imagine) the sports section of the paper. Every so often I noticed how he would lower his newspaper and sneak a quick glance at me and the blue eyed "joy" sitting beside me.  The boy’s name was Seán ( not real name) from West Cork  ( real place) and he was utterly lovely. A big strong guy, messy dark brown curls framing a strikingly rugged but kind face. The train journey flew by as we chatted and laughed like old friends. There was a frisson of something in our exchanges that could have been mistaken for mild flirtation- whatever it was, it was great and I was quite happy to go with it! Seán had a friend with him too, but he didn’t talk much, listening to his music mainly, and at times it felt like myself and this fine thing were the only two people on the train.

“Oh good for you,” I gushed (a little too much) as he explained that he was very soon due to leave his job in Cork and take flight to Australia. “I’ve just returned myself,” and on went the conversation about travel and its merits. “But the Celtic Tiger is roaring loudly here I said, maybe you should stay around for another bit? His feet were too itchy he explained – “when it’s time to go, it’s time to go, you know yourself,” he confided. Did I ever. No stopping this one I thought to myself. Nor would I want to- kindred spirit and so on. Ah well, timing is key.

“This is me, I think.” Mallow train station. I smiled politely as the gentle giant retrieved my case from the overhead storage. “It was really nice chatting to you, “he smiled broadly at me. “ You too and the best of luck with everything.” And off with me, scarf on, leather jacket zipped up tightly in readiness for the bitter cold that awaited me outside. Waiting by the train’s door I checked my watch, just after 11pm, my body was exhausted and I longed for my bed.

“Will I?  Ah, no way, no, not my style, and there are too many people around and I’m too hungover AND shur what’s the point? he’s leaving the bloody country…! But he was so lovely and they say you should do the things that scare you, but no, I’m not going to , stop Liz, stop now, just leave it”- These were my thoughts. Just as the last thought slid upwards into the ether I decided to go for it. Just do it.

I reached into my handbag, wrote down my name and details on a post it note and began the incredible nerve wracking walk back down the long narrow aisle of the carriage, back to Seán (swoon), the mute friend and Mr. Newspaper man. I stood and looked down at him in his seat.

 “Hi again there…Seán. I cleared my throat. “So, I continued, I just thought I’d give you my name- and email- you know- just in case you ever want to- well- you know- contact me or meet up again sometime, or maybe just let me know how you’re getting on down under or whatever – I just thought…..am, maybe it might be handy (oh my good GOD- what am I doing?!!!), mmm, it doesn’t matter really, shur whatever…”. And with that I all but threw the piece of paper at him in a moment of utter panic and fear.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing came out of his (gorgeously formed) mouth  for what felt like five minutes, (which of course, in reality, was only a few ),  but he did struggle to talk, he was in shock I think. Then at last he blurted out: “Oh right, yeah, fair play, thanks, ok, shur eh, well, shur, I dunno but thanks very much, ok”, he was shifting his eyes nervously from the post- it to me with embarrassed eyes and back again.  Thanks a lot, mmm”, he finished.

With a pounding heart, palms drowning in a sinful bath of vodka and red bull from the night before and lips that felt they were no longer part of my own face, I turned on my heel to flee, and as I did, Mr. newspaper man lowered his newspaper for the last time and like a scene from an old black and white movie gave me that “here’s looking at you kid” smile with a quick wink of his right eye.  I acknowledged his approval with a big smile. Ok, get me off this train…..NOW!

 “Are yiz alright there luv?” quipped a stern but friendly- ish voice from behind me. I was standing, neck craned with cheek feverishly splayed sideways onto the window of the door, willing myself desperately to see that Mallow sign on the horizon. “I’m grand thanks, just getting off now here in Mallow”, I assured him. You’ll be waiting girl, he laughed, shur we’re only in Charleville pet, Mallow is two stops away yet-  so you’ll have to return to your seat there now for another while, no sitting in between the carriages  what with the health and safety  and all ..and the train is full, back to your seat now please –
 “Em actually no, no, I’m grand here,” I said, “honestly, I’m grand.-" Back to your carriage now love, "No, I can’t, I actually cannot go back to my seat.” I’ll say it once more now love, back to your seat, please love”.                        

OH.JESUS.CHRIST.

After fruitless pleading for a few  more seconds but to no avail, I  very slowly returned  to my seat and through mortified silence sat there for another half an hour, clinging to my case, waiting. Nobody spoke a single word for the rest of the journey.
                                                                                     ***

I finally got home and clambered, exhausted, in to my lovely safe bed. Sleep came easily I can tell you. As for Seán, lovely, strong and blue eyed Seán, well he did go to Australia and emailed me to say he was having the time of his life and didn’t think he would ever come home and “wasn’t it a pity we hadn’t met earlier?.”  I never heard from him again.

God damn him to hell.


                                                               


No comments:

Post a Comment