LOVE
EROS, PHILIA and AGAPE
EROS, PHILIA and AGAPE
The Ancient Greeks knew about love.
I've been reading what they had to say. They believed love could be divided into three equal parts.- the clever cats! They thought, as a society, we owe it to ourselves to identify and attach the correct words to each kind, in order to give each type the respect it deserved.
They began with what happens when we first meet someone. They said that this initial phase was called-
EROS: I want you NOW!
This is the physical /sexual attraction high at the start- it’s powerful, exhilarating and quite life affirming according to Aristotle and his white beard friends- I agree! It is biological- you lust and desire to be with your partner- your bodies connect easily and having this new sex can be incredible. You learn and discover each other's bodies. Sadly, this fervent passion doesn’t last- they reckoned after about a year and a half this fades and is replaced by a different type of love. One that involves friendship. But I believe, personally, with some effort and imagination a good sex life can go on for many many years.
This is the physical /sexual attraction high at the start- it’s powerful, exhilarating and quite life affirming according to Aristotle and his white beard friends- I agree! It is biological- you lust and desire to be with your partner- your bodies connect easily and having this new sex can be incredible. You learn and discover each other's bodies. Sadly, this fervent passion doesn’t last- they reckoned after about a year and a half this fades and is replaced by a different type of love. One that involves friendship. But I believe, personally, with some effort and imagination a good sex life can go on for many many years.
PHILIA: A lover who is your best friend- yes please!
Yes, who doesn’t want to marry (or at least co-habit indefinitely) with their best friend? The one who just kind of ‘gets you’ in a way many others don’t. The one who you would donate a kidney to should they need it. The Greeks maintained that being good friends with your lover, actually enjoying their company, sharing common interests and being open to new ones, asking questions and being open to new things can sustain a good relationship. You do not have to be 'the same' or indeed have similar life experiences but in order for something to last it is pretty important you show an interest in your lover's world. It may not interst you, but if you love someone you will at least try...
Yes, who doesn’t want to marry (or at least co-habit indefinitely) with their best friend? The one who just kind of ‘gets you’ in a way many others don’t. The one who you would donate a kidney to should they need it. The Greeks maintained that being good friends with your lover, actually enjoying their company, sharing common interests and being open to new ones, asking questions and being open to new things can sustain a good relationship. You do not have to be 'the same' or indeed have similar life experiences but in order for something to last it is pretty important you show an interest in your lover's world. It may not interst you, but if you love someone you will at least try...
Next up the third and most challenging part of love-
AGAPE: The willingness to accept the person as a whole
You love them, you even love their flaws and their faults because you know they will try to be a better person every day. They will not take criticism as something personal, but rather as a loving suggestion, to sustain the good and calm vibes for as long as possible. Many people don't set out to start a fight- they just want to express themselves and be heard, so listen up brother! Everyone has their faults and humans are imperfect! Although many humans are just assholes. Don't fall in love with an asshole! AGAPE is the part of love where we are willing to show compassion and sympathy for our partner’s flaws- their jealousy, their arrogance, their complexity, their laziness- and all those other very difficult and sometimes relationship ending traits. AGAPE doesn’t last forever either but it reminds us that love isn’t about just admiring the good virtues a person displays- it’s about accepting their shitty side too!
AGAPE: The willingness to accept the person as a whole
You love them, you even love their flaws and their faults because you know they will try to be a better person every day. They will not take criticism as something personal, but rather as a loving suggestion, to sustain the good and calm vibes for as long as possible. Many people don't set out to start a fight- they just want to express themselves and be heard, so listen up brother! Everyone has their faults and humans are imperfect! Although many humans are just assholes. Don't fall in love with an asshole! AGAPE is the part of love where we are willing to show compassion and sympathy for our partner’s flaws- their jealousy, their arrogance, their complexity, their laziness- and all those other very difficult and sometimes relationship ending traits. AGAPE doesn’t last forever either but it reminds us that love isn’t about just admiring the good virtues a person displays- it’s about accepting their shitty side too!
So there you have it- LOVE- not for the faint hearted! I guess it all boils down to a few simple things- honesty, communication and respect. Be honest with your heart and be honest with your lover's heart. Communicate calmly and clearly the issues that are causing pain and difficulty. But most of all respect that each human is like a flow of water. They are destined to follow their own natural journey, you cannot redirect people's flow in order for them to fit into your 'ideal'- people will not change and you cannot control them. Hopefully your flow and their flow will gently amble side by side, never disturbing the peaceful path of the other.
Your soul will guide you, it always knows the way!
(And, if after all that wisdom and honesty, your love life it still doesn’t work out - fuck it- don't blame me- blame The Ancient Greeks!)
x
