DATING LAID BARE
( Drum roll, please)
The Australian Trained Sniper Guy:
This was just a phase. He was bat shit crazy. Moving on.
This was just a phase. He was bat shit crazy. Moving on.
The Rugby Guy :
Chasing my dreams (and his rugby balls) around Dublin, London and Italy! An utterly exhilarating man to be around and we had a fairly real connection. His sensual gravelly voice made big waves in my rebellious heart. His gentlemanly demeanour so different to the racey pacey beast on the TV screen. This dalliance with the professional rugby player with ‘beautiful dark skin and a good heart within’ prompted a good friend to write hilarious odes to him many years later. If only he knew…God how we laughed! However this particular game was very one sided! I knew it was wrong to chase this athletic high flyer around but I did it anyway- guilty as charged Your Honor!!! But oh what fun, to be swept away by a true bad boy! He made international sporting headlines, I woke up and made other plans.
Chasing my dreams (and his rugby balls) around Dublin, London and Italy! An utterly exhilarating man to be around and we had a fairly real connection. His sensual gravelly voice made big waves in my rebellious heart. His gentlemanly demeanour so different to the racey pacey beast on the TV screen. This dalliance with the professional rugby player with ‘beautiful dark skin and a good heart within’ prompted a good friend to write hilarious odes to him many years later. If only he knew…God how we laughed! However this particular game was very one sided! I knew it was wrong to chase this athletic high flyer around but I did it anyway- guilty as charged Your Honor!!! But oh what fun, to be swept away by a true bad boy! He made international sporting headlines, I woke up and made other plans.
A true old fashioned encounter. What a gentle and lovely human from a bygone era. Tender, special moments shared side by side at his piano. The tinkle of the ebony and ivory sending shivers down my spine. The best first date I ever did have! A night that saw him rise from our corner table in a music bar and play a solo piece on the sax that brought the house down. As the crowd hushed to listen to his musical magic I looked on in awe and thought “WOW, that guy is my date!” Sadly a case of bad timing brought the curtain down on that one. Bah!
We all know that famous story by now. Choooo choooo…
I fancied this ukulele player (him and his big hair) from afar. Eventually plucked up the courage to ask him out for a coffee. He had a girlfriend so rightly declined my invite for a cuppa but said I’d made an otherwise normal day a bit different and he was flattered by my interest! Good for him. But not for me! How and ever I ended up taking up the ukulele after that – the most fun hobby I've ever had! Every cloud….
A spectacular first kiss and other very memorable moments that will stay with me for the rest of my life. A spark that never got a chance to fully catch fire because he just couldn’t (or wouldn’t) put in all that much of an effort. I really liked this archelolgist/photographer/musician/author lad. A particularly hard one to take.
On he arrived pedalling his bike with a huge cello attached to the back. I dragged myself out of my vomiting bug sick bed to meet this messy-haired, smokey- fingered pain in the ass. After a few months huffing and puffing his way around the country he seemed to have a bit of a problem with Irish people. Maybe I caught him on a bad day but he never stopped complaining. Massive turn off! I promptly paid for my own drink and crawled wearily back into bed! Asshole!
The Fake Guy:
A very scary introduction into the now much normalised world of internet dating. He told me he was a doctor, an intern studying geriatric psychiatry. Turned out he was a psychiatric patient. Jesus. H. Christ. He went to great lengths to devise a fake profile- it was incredibly convincing. A bizarre day that ended with a surreal phone call to a Garda Station. “Crikey girl, mind yourself” the female garda exclaimed somewhat excitedly in a distinctive Cork lilt “He sounds mad as a box of frogs, like." A lucky escape.
A thoroughly decent man. Sadly no sexual chemistry whatsoever. An awful shame.
The Comedy King. An absolute gas man that charmed the pants off me with his quick one liners and wise cracks. At almost 7 years younger than me (gasp) he was not emotionally mature enough but after much time spent alone at this point I needed to just throw caution to the wind! “You’re mad to kiss me I’d say, are ya?” said he through full cherry lips. “I am" said I giggling like a teenager! I would still go for friendly pints with him at the drop of a hat but it wouldn't take a genius to work out that he definitely wasn't swimming in the same life lane as me.
A sweet and talented man. So completely in touch with his emotions and quite erotic in his own way. A wonderful exchange of words and ideas for days on end. A great conversationalist but quite intellectually intense and all a bit too heavy for me. I said no to a second date and walked away in the driving rain. He didn’t feel it either he said. Fair enough. Back to the drawing board with him- and with me!
A classic case of great on paper but not
in reality. A very disappointing date that had been much anticipated by us both. It fell flat as a pancake for reasons unknown. The wine
and the tapas were the only winners that night. I drank too much too quickly in an attempt to liven
things up. A decision that later had me hiding out in the toilets, planning my escape, and texting....The Galway Guy: Ah well, what’s a girl to do?
Dating is tough gig!
*deletes Tinder for the 75th time
Dating is tough gig!
*deletes Tinder for the 75th time
